Who Would Raise Your Children?

For parents, this is often the question that finally makes estate planning feel urgent. Not what happens to the house. Not who gets the savings account. But who would be there for your children, every day, if you couldn't be.

It's a heavy thing to think about. And because it's heavy, it's easy to set aside. There's always a reason to come back to it later.

But naming a guardian is one of the most direct ways to protect the people who depend on you most. It doesn't mean expecting the worst. It means making a clear decision now, so that if something happens, the people you trust are the ones who step in.

What Is a Guardian?

A guardian is the person you name in your will to care for your minor children if both parents are no longer able to do so.

A guardian takes on the day-to-day responsibility of raising your child: providing a home, making decisions about education and healthcare, and being present in the ways that matter most. It's one of the most significant roles a person can take on, and naming someone for it is one of the most significant decisions you'll make in your estate plan.

In most states, the court has the final say in who becomes a guardian. But a clear nomination in your will carries significant weight. Courts generally honor the wishes of parents unless there is a compelling reason not to.

Guardian of the Person vs. Guardian of the Estate

It helps to know that guardianship can be split into two distinct roles.

A guardian of the person is responsible for your child's physical care and upbringing. This is the person who raises them, makes day-to-day decisions, and provides the home and stability your child needs.

A guardian of the estate (sometimes called a conservator) manages any financial assets your child inherits until they reach adulthood. This role handles money and property on your child's behalf.

Many people name the same person for both roles. Others prefer to separate them, particularly if the person best suited to raise their children is not the most financially experienced, or if there are significant assets involved. Both are valid approaches.

How to Choose a Guardian

This is the part most parents find hardest. There may not be an obvious answer. There may be people who feel like natural choices but come with complications. There may be conversations you'd rather not have.

That's normal. A few things that can help:

• Values alignment. Think about how you want your children raised. Whose values, approach to life, and sense of what matters most feels closest to yours?
• Willingness and capacity. Does this person actually want to take on this responsibility? Do they have the time, energy, and stability to do it well?
• Relationship with your children. Someone your children already know and trust will help provide continuity during a difficult transition.
• Practical considerations. Where do they live? Do they have children of their own? What would it mean for your child's life to move into their home?
• Long-term availability. Consider their age and health. Will they realistically be able to care for your children through adolescence and into adulthood?

There's rarely a perfect choice. The goal is to find the person who comes closest, and to have an honest conversation with them before naming them.

Should You Name a Backup Guardian?

Yes. Naming an alternate guardian is a simple and important step. Circumstances change. The person you name today may not be available or willing to serve when the time comes. Having a backup ensures your children always have a designated person to step into the role.

What About the Other Parent?

If both parents are alive, the surviving parent typically retains custody of the children automatically. A guardian would only step in if both parents are unable to care for the children.

If you have concerns about the other parent's ability to care for your children, that's a situation best discussed with a family law attorney. A will alone may not be sufficient to address those concerns.

Talking to the Person You Choose

Naming someone as guardian without telling them is common, but it's not ideal. The role comes with real responsibility. The person you name deserves to know, to understand what you're asking of them, and to have the chance to say yes thoughtfully.

This conversation can feel difficult to start. But most people who are named find it meaningful to be trusted in this way. It's worth having.

You might also share your values, your hopes for your children, and anything that would help them step into the role with confidence. That kind of guidance doesn't have to be in the legal document. It can live in a letter kept alongside your will.

A Decision Worth Making

Choosing a guardian is one of the hardest parts of estate planning. It requires sitting with a question most parents don't want to think about. But making the decision, writing it down, and telling the right people gives your children something invaluable: a clear plan, made with care, by the people who love them most.

Ready to Put Your Plan in Writing?

Naming a guardian is one of the first things you'll work through when creating your will with HeirLight. HeirLight helps you work through all of it: your will, healthcare directive, and power of attorney, in one guided experience built for people who want clarity without the overwhelm.

The questions are in plain English. The pace is yours. And you can start for $0.

Once you're done, you'll print and sign your documents according to your state's rules, and the people you care about will have something clear to follow.

If this has been sitting on your to-do list for a while, this is a simple way to finally move it forward.

Important: HeirLight is not a law firm and does not provide legal, tax, or financial advice. Our tools are educational and self-help in nature. For complex situations or legal advice about your specific circumstances, you should consult a licensed attorney.

Sources

The information in this article is based on general estate planning principles and publicly available legal resources. For guidance specific to your state or situation, we recommend speaking with a licensed estate planning attorney.

• Cornell Law School, Legal Information Institute - Guardian - law.cornell.edu/wex/guardian
• Cornell Law School, Legal Information Institute - Conservator - law.cornell.edu/wex/conservator
• American Bar Association - Guide to Wills and Estates - americanbar.org
• AARP - How to Choose a Guardian for Your Children - aarp.org